Thursday, July 7, 2011

How Was Africa?

How can I explain how my experience was when you ask me?  I have been responding by saying amazing (because it was), but not in the amazing vacation realm that your mind might first assume.  It was amazingly enlightening, eye opening and difficult to comprehend all at the same time.  The type of amazing that you may never understand.  You are amazed by my account of shark diving and the safari.  I love to tell the stories, but to be honest I do not really care about those stories.

 I don’t make these comments in a defensive tone but rather in a personally reflective tone about how I have been feeling from others asking how my experience was.  So, what do I say when you don’t ask me the hard questions?  How do I explain what I learned without overwhelming you with a culture that you may know nothing about?  How do I explain that I now understand why some people have to sell their bodies to feed their families and no longer negatively judge them?  How do I explain that I no longer like to indulge in things that I did before I left?  How do I explain that I have overwhelming feelings of guilt for things that I have in my life?  How do I explain that whatever you may complain about to me is really not a big deal?  How do I explain to you that I no longer want to have another shallow conversation?  How do I explain to you that since I left South Africa, I feel like something is missing?  The only ones who may know the hard questions to ask or the ones that I am able to explain things too are the ones who were there beside me. 

Friday, June 10, 2011

Pictures!

The group at Mzoli's in Guguletu.  Notice Shane's twin in the middle.

Wine tasting at Solm's Delta vineyard.  Beautiful place!

 During our time in Guguletu we visited Noxie's school, John Prima.  This is Noxie's first grade class.  Noxie is in the blue by Kendall and Lindsay.

 This picture is from our last night in Guguletu.  We spent the night singing, dancing and eating.  It was a bittersweet end to our amazing time there.

This is the view from Riverview Lodge.  Chelsey and I were taking pictures before we left for Cape Point.

 This is a picture of the group at Robben Island. It was super windy! Look how cute Brian is....(he helped me post these and has requested a shout out)

This is a picture of Kendall and I trying a smily (sheep's head) on our last night in Guguletu. I clearly loved it.

What I Have Learned


I have learned a lot about the culture and history of South Africa in the context of leadership during my time here.  I have also learned a lot about myself, some things I think I already knew but was unable of how to translate it into my life.  For example, I have realized that I love to give back to the community and would benefit from spending more time volunteering in my own local community.  Here is a little more of what I have learned thus far.

A hug is one of the most valuable gifts to give and receive.
-       I often used to underestimate the power of showing someone you care.  The looks I’ve received and numerous hugs while here, make me certain that showing someone you care is never wasted.

Giving is more rewarding than receiving.
-       Obviously this is self-explanatory and something that many of you may have experienced in your own lives.  But being around others that have so many obstacles to overcome and are extremely grateful for those who give is something I find personally motivating.  It motivates me to become more involved in giving back to my own community and making a difference where it is needed.

Your emotions are valid.  Never write them off as invalid.
-       So many times during this trip I have become overwhelmed with emotions.  I have learned that expressing those first initial emotions and any that follow there after are a healthy way to learn and cope with experiences.

Connections can be created with the most unsuspecting people in the most unsuspecting places.
-       I never expected to feel part of a family half way around the world.  I have created a family with my fifteen fellow travelers, my host family in Guguletu, the JL Zwane congregation and our trusty facilitators (Alan, Jane, Godfrey & Herschel).  I never expected that this feeling of community could be demonstrated so strongly so far away from what I call home.

Relationships cross over borders, race and socioeconomic status.
-       In many instances, I have found myself surrounded by those of a different race and socioeconomic status from South Africa.  I have never felt awkward or unwelcomed though, I have felt as though I belong.  This feeling of belonging with those from different backgrounds than myself has taught me extreme gratitude and perspective in my own life.  So remember, just because someone may be different in surface level ways, there are many more layers to peel back that may surprise you.

Be thankful for all that you have and you will have a lot to be thankful about.
-       So often I view things as needs, when they are really wants.  Seeing those who struggle to obtain needs in South Africa has put me into a different mindset regarding what I have.  I have so many material things that are not something I have purchased for survival or my family, like how many families in the townships do.  Therefore, I need to remember to be more thankful for what I have before trying to think that more things in my life will improve my life.

Reaching a level of discomfort in your life is something to embrace, not shun.  From discomfort comes reflection and room for change.
-       Many experiences during my time here have taken me out of my comfort zone.  If you stay in your comfort zone, it disables you from finding different perspectives and being able to reflect on your own level of comfort.  From reaching these levels of discomfort I have learned things about

It is not what we have in our lives, but who we have in our life that counts.
-Often in the townships families may have limited needs and wants but there sense of community is always in abundance.  As long as you have positive and healthy relationships in your life you will have so much to be thankful for.

Do not be quick to judge because first judgments can be misleading.
-       At times I caught myself judging the way someone lived or his or her situation while in Guguletu.  But I have learned to catch myself before going into that judgment phase and take a step back.  In most cases, many parts of the puzzle are missing when one is quick to judge and does not ask questions.  I have found that getting all of the pieces before forming an opinion makes others gain more respect for you and what you have to say.

Hospice Visits


Thursday, June 2nd

I find myself feeling nauseous once again during my experiences in Guguletu.  We visited the home of a woman who is HIV positive and currently a hospice patient.  Her living conditions were horrible; she lives in a shack full of holes about the size of a small college dorm room with her child.  When we walked in, she could not even focus her eyes and would grimace in pain constantly.  The air was thick, uncomfortable and smelled of sewage, as the large population of flies flew around the small room.  Seeing someone in such discomfort in those living conditions was so hard to digest that I just became numb and didn’t know if I should cry, leave the room or stay and hear what she had to say.

I decided to stay and hear her speak, as she muttered very unclear sentences, she said something that created even more discomfort in the room.  She said, “I’m sick of American tourists coming to see me and making broken promises”.  I began to feel dizziness and shame at the same time after those words were spoken.  Her lack of awareness made me wondering if she ever even understood that Americans were coming to visit or if she ever even gave consent for us to come see her.  I felt stupid to be standing in someone’s personal space while they were in hospice and unable to articulate or help themselves.  The nurse then explained that the patient and her child could go days without eating due to lack of funds and therefore her ARV meds do not work properly.  The extent of what the hospice care includes is cleaning the patients and checking to see what else they can do, but rarely do they provide meals.  This specific patient had not eaten for one day along with the rest of her family.
  
I was numb with emotion, but soon began to cry hysterically (yes, again) as we left and headed to the car.  It took me a good ten minutes to calm myself and even articulate what I had just seen and experienced.  All I could say to the car full of faces starring back at me for a response was that I felt stupid.  I don’t know why those were my first words, but I felt as though I had just entered an area where I was not welcomed and completely unable to help, all I could do was watch.  But I was sick of watching, I felt as though I was treating these people like an exhibit in a museum by invading their space and studying their situation.  But most of all, I felt stupid because I went in there feeling as though I understood the face and pandemic of HIV and AIDS.  That is when I realized there are too many faces of HIV and AIDS for me to even come close to truly understanding.

I didn’t have enough strength mentally or emotionally at that point to enter the next hospice home.  I waited in the car with Brian and Suzie, who were at the time battling with the experience internally as well.  The group returned to the car in tears.  I remember seeing Chelsey’s tear streaked face as she walked in, she couldn’t look at me or anyone else and just went straight to sit down.  The group told us that the second visit was worse that the first.  It was an older man in an even smaller one bedroom run down shack.  He had open bedsores and needed to be changed like a young child.

We’ve been put in this situation to look through their lens, but soon the nurses returned laughing about our level of discomfort and emotion and did not seek to understand the experience through our lens.  The experience for us at the time was absolutely traumatizing.  The majority of us felt as though we were treating the hospice patients as an exhibit, one to which we were unwelcomed.  I felt like I was watching a holocaust movie from the sickness I was seeing and from the sick feeling in my stomach that was occurring.  I can see numerous sick faces and I understand the seriousness, but what can I do?  I am stuck with no tools to help.  I am frustrated.  I am emotionally numb.  I wonder why I was born into such a fortunate home while others are born into poverty.  I feel lost.

I can never really accurately describe the extent of what I saw to those of you reading the blog, but all I know is that an experience that took ten minutes is something that will stay with me forever.

Today was a roller coaster of emotions.  I end the day overall exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.  After lunch at JL Zwane with a mission group of students from Georgia, both of our groups attended the Siyaya musical education group.  It was a refreshing event for the day after such a traumatic experience earlier with the hospice visits.  The director said something that really calmed me at the time.  He said, “tourists come here and have sad looks on their faces as they stare onto our streets, but look at the streets closely and you will see that we all have smiles”.  This seemed to really ring true to my own experience.  Because so often I look with sadness at the citizens of the townships but they do not look back at me with sadness.  Instead they enjoy life and enrich their lives with a passion for food, music and community.

After reflecting on this journal entry and experience a lot has changed.  It has become easier for me to view the hospice visit through a different lens.  The woman who spoke of Americans in such a negative connotation was discussed later between our group and Reverend Spiwo.  We asked why she spoke so negatively and claimed that the church did not assist her.  We were informed that the church does assist her regularly and that due to her mindset from the lack of food and use of ARV’s she may have chosen to take out her anger on those who she felt had the power to change things.  Therefore, since we were white Americans she inferred that we were there to help, instead of visit and observe.  In the culture of Gugs visiting someone who is on hospice is not invasive, instead it is the way that they educate others about HIV and AIDS within the township.  This experience was a good example of how reflection can really change the perspective of an experience.  However, I have learned that my feelings are anger and frustration at the time were valid and something that helped me reflect.

A Lesson from the AIDS Man


Monday, May 30th

            I have been battling with what to write about during our time in Guguletu since all of it was so beneficial and powerful.  This story was one that I continued to battle with on whether I should write about it, but after continuing to think about it for a week I knew that I had to share what I had learned.

            On Monday we traveled to the poverty-ridden township of Khayelitsha to visit to Treatment Action Campaign (TAC) site.  In order to give you some insight into exactly where we were I will tell some interesting facts that I learned.  It is one of the newer townships in the western cape flats created after many of the townships began to become over populated.  To give some background on just how much this township struggles here are some statistics:

*2 rapes are reported each day.  (These are just the reported rapes, many go unreported and may be committed by members of the victims family)
*There is 1 toilet for every 10 homes in Khayelitsha.
*There is 1 tap water for every 20 homes in Khayelitsha.

            This lack of proper sanitation leads to people having to venture out to find a toilet or place to go to the bathroom in the night.  These people that go out to find a toilet have a high chance of being raped when using a public bathroom.  The lack of clean water leaves countless children sick with bacteria infections.  No type of drain system exists in the township either, creating good conditions for homes to flood.

On top of the sanitation problem, the justice system has really let down the citizens of Khayelitsha.  A case from 6 years ago, where a lesbian woman was beaten and murdered by 20 men due to her sexual orientation, has still to be discussed due to continuous postponements.  Sadly, numerous cases such as this exist in the townships.  We later found out that it is also common for lesbians to be gang raped by males who believe that it will change her sexual orientation.  I got sick to my stomach when I heard that these cases are being put off due to sexual orientation and that acts of rape are being targeted towards the GLBT community. 

I wanted to share this information because in my opinion from what I saw of Khayelitsha, it was a more intense type of poverty overall from Guguletu.  It was hard to see all of the shacks and overpopulating after knowing that by the end of the day two women, maybe someone I had even seen that day, would be raped.  It was hard for me to even fathem these facts at first, as I’m sure if you are reading it is as well hard to digest.

            All of these unfortunate stories and statistics lead up to us meeting the AIDS Man, as he said we should call him.  We walked into the TAC building with numerous eyes questioning us as we walked in a mob down the streets of Khayelitsha.  The AIDS Man was actually the first HIV positive person that I have met.  He was wearing his HIV positive shirt and completely comfortable sitting there while talking to us about his journey.  He has taken the path to be open about his HIV positive status to the community, something that can be criticized and feared by members of the community.  As he was speaking, he was so strong in his purpose and positive about his status.  It was personally thought provoking for me when he said, “I’m not sick, but my blood is infected with HIV”.  Many times people, even myself at times, view those who are HIV positive as sick and near death.  But in most cases, being HIV positive is just an obstacle to deal with in life, not a life threatening disease.  By the AIDS Man taking the positive approach to continue to live his life to the fullest, he is really living his life and only lives with HIV in his blood, not as a negative hold over his mindset.  He now works to help others who are HIV positive share their story and get support for ARV’s.


As he was speaking I began to mindlessly write what it might have been like first finding out you were HIV positive and how he dealt with it.

Positivity about being Positive

Rewind back to the second that the negative turned positive.
Imagine Resentment, Pain and Uncertainty.
Join the Number?  Join the Statistic?
No.
Break the mold.
Stand up in the crowd.
Be authentic.
Be positive.
Inspire the rest.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

"Out of Nothingness, Comes Possibilities"


Aaron, this is my second In-Country writing assignment. :)

After spending only six days and five night in the township of Guguletu, the overall takeaway has been extremely valuable and life changing.  This experience like each one before it will continue to mean different things as I reflect further and try to make sense of everything.  Before I left to go to Gugs, I was trying to hide my nerves.  I was nervous to be the minority and unaware of how I would deal with the living conditions.  More than anything, most of the locals in Cape Town would look puzzled when I told them we were staying in Guguletu for a week.  For those who go to Guguletu to do volunteer work or to try to experience the culture, it is rare for them to immerse themselves completely and stay in the homes in Guguletu.  Therefore, I knew we were getting a slice more of the real experience by becoming a part of the Guguletu community by living in their homes, eating our meals with them and spending our entire day absorbed in their community.

My expectations were blurry before we arrived to Guguletu, but soon whichever expectations I had were exceeded, by the instant feeling of community that was represented and offered to us.  The feeling of community became deeper as the week went on; the people of Gugs were really set on having us see how their community works.

One of my biggest struggles throughout my time in Guguletu was trying to understand the difference in how their community processes things.  For example, one of the most emotional days for me was the day of hospice visits.  It was hard for me to understand that in their culture, it was not intrusive to show hospice patients dying from HIV and AIDS.  They viewed it as an educational experience so we could really view what the face of HIV and AIDS looks like.  My first instinct was to view it as intrusive and taking advantage of the hospice patients.  When I returned to the car crying hysterically, it was hard for the people of Guguletu who were with us to understand.  They have already experienced losing loved ones from HIV and AIDS and seeing a person that is sick from HIV and AIDS; something that I have never seen.  While death is still a very sad experience for the community, it is much more common.  I had to become understanding of their culture and take off my preconceived lens of hospice patients, death and the HIV and AIDS pandemic.

The amount that I learned from others during my time in Guguletu was invaluable.  I could go on for day about things that I learned from each individual that I developed a relationship with.  The most significant thing that I learned from my home stay family of Akhona and Noxie was the value of family and friends.  Akhona and Noxie both dealt with struggles in tragically losing loved ones in their family but stayed so strong from inner strength and strength given by those loved friends and families that supported them.  I have always had a strong value on friends and family, but during my home stay experience it just reinstalled how important those relationships are for the major times of hardship in ones life.

The forms of leadership in the townships were inspiring to observe.  There is leadership in the youth group at church that uses their free time to volunteer in their community and talk about the hard issues that their community faces.  By opening up those difficult discussions and leading by example, the youth group is making a difference by trying to rewrite the stereotypes of teen pregnancy and youth gang activity that plague the community.  There is also leadership in the children of Guguletu that attend school everyday in hopes of a better education and life for the future.  I viewed things such as starting difficult conversations and attending school as forms of leadership because any positive difference being made in the township was a glimmer of hope for a better tomorrow.

On the last day of our stay, Reverend Spiwo had a closing conversation with us to ask questions and reflect on our time in Guguletu.  He identified the largest problem of the community as mindset.  For so long black and coloured Africans were treated horribly and viewed as not equal due to apartheid.  They were forced out of their homes and adopted this township way of life in order to survive and since then it has become born and bred into their family lines.  This mindset of not being equal and or having less worth infects the community of Guguletu and other townships.  Reverend Spiwo stated that, “The biggest challenge in leadership is getting people to believe”.  He needs to have the community of Guguletu believe that they can live a better life and receive a better education.  But without having a firm set of believers that can pass on this vision, the vision moves much slower and gets tangled up in different sections of the community.

I have personally experienced this in my own leadership roles throughout my lifetime.  When others do not believe in your vision or do not see it as their own, you find yourself at a standstill.  The hard part is figuring out how to overcome the standstill and move forward.  I become very discouraged in leadership roles during standstills because it makes me question my own ability to lead and frustrates me when I cannot find a way to make others believe.  I did learn and observe some methods that work to create the belief such as: breaking the problems into smaller categories and focusing efforts in that region.  Also, utilizing resources was a major method of leadership that the community used on a regular basis.  I hope to exercise some of these methods within my own context of leadership positions.

Reverend Spiwo also said something that I found to apply to many things in life.  He explained, “Out of nothingness, comes possibilities”, while referring to the possibilities for the citizens of Guguletu to grow and better their community.  It made me realize that sometimes in life when you are not handed all of the tools to create or move forward to your destination it is not a hindrance, instead it is an opportunity: an opportunity to grow, to build, to learn, to question, to analyze and to make your own way through.  I sometimes find that I easily procrastinate or give up when I am not given all of the right tools in life to complete something because the idea of reinventing a way to accomplish a task can lead to failure.  But by fearing failure, you will never realize your potential or the opportunities that can come out of what you once saw as ‘nothingness’.  Overall, this experience just really refreshed my outlook on life and how I want to live mine.  I know that this experience will continue to have lasting effects in my journey in leadership and life.

Kwanele


It’s hard to breath right now.  I just went on a trip to deliver the last of the food parcels with Elisa, Brittany, Kelsey, Chelsey and Riise.  A boy from the church was there to help us deliver the parcels.  All of us assumed nothing of it and believed him to be a volunteer from church until our last delivery.  Our last delivery was his home.  At first Chelsey, Brittany and I stayed in the car due to the cold and were unaware it was his home.  We soon entered what was the most difficult home that I have seen thus far.  The back door was punctured with holes, which let the cold air in.  The kitchen had minimal appliances and did not look sanitary to prepare food in at all.  There was only one bedroom and it was the boy, Kwanele’s room.  He explained that the shack used to be his Grandpa’s.  His grandpa passed away and left the house to his parents, his brother and him.  His dad passed in 2005 and his mom passed away a month ago, leaving his brother and him to fend for themselves.  Kwanele explained that his brother lives in a shack in the back and drinks most of the day.

Kwanele’s room had a ceiling made of wooden planks with poor insulation from the cold, if any.  The light switch was hanging by a wire from the ceiling.  He had black and white pictures from Facebook hanging in his room that showed his choir and church.  He told us he was still in high school, but his dream was to go to the university someday, even though he didn’t have any money right now.  He pulled out a course guidebook from the University of Cape Town and told us he liked to read it and decide what courses he would like to take.  His dream is to become an opera singer and he would enjoy business as a backup.  I got emotional the second he pulled out the course book and said he loved to read it.  That course book symbolized so much to him; a look into the future, a dream and a way to provide for his family.  Brittany then pulled out the business card for, “These Numbers Have Faces” program and handed it to Kwanele.  She explained how it could possibly help him pay for college someday.  The look on Kwanele’s face overtook me.  His smile was huge as he promised that he would put the card in a safe place and contact Justin as soon as he got to a computer in town.

We then exchanged names for Facebook and took a picture with Kwanele in front of his home.  I gave him a hug goodbye and made him promise me that he would contact Justin and never give up on making his dreams come true.  While I was hugging Kwanele I broke into tears; the kind of tears where you cannot speak or breathe.  How inspirational that Kwanele still attends school and pursues his dreams after all that he has experienced in life.  Kwanele chooses to rise above the constant obstacles of not having food and money and stay positive and follow his passions.  Some struggle to follow their passion while having fewer obstacles.  By now, Kwanele could have easily joined gang activity in Guguletu or joined his brother in abusing alcohol but instead he chose to live a life where he can be something someday.  His story was so moving that it could at this point in my journey really have an extreme impact.  I plan on following up with Kwanele as I watch him accomplish his goals.

Food Parcel Distribution Day – “Enkosi"


Tuesday, May 31st

Today was food parcel distribution day, a day that has been built up for quite awhile.  For all of the money that we have raised, 250 families will be given enough food for a month.  The process began with a human chain for unloading the trucks and packed the food goods into sacks.  One food parcel consists of flour, sugar, maize, beans, rice, vegetable oil, chicken and samp.  We would gather the items in a stacked pile and make rows throughout the floor of the church.  People wait in the JL Zwane center all around in hopes for their name to be called.  Since the amount of people that needs and wants food is so high, a list is made for each food parcel distribution on who will receive the food.  The recipients are chosen based on a system that visits the home and sees how in need the family is.

Aaron gave us a task for the day to get to know at least one persons story that is receiving a food parcel.  We were in charge of carrying out people’s food parcel items with church volunteers, so we knew we would get a chance to hear a few stories.  Reverend Spiwo began to call the names after introducing and thanking our group for our contributions to make the food parcels possible for this day.

As names were called, I would follow people out of the church carrying all that I could hold.  At first, I felt awkward and slightly invasive asking about their life or whom all of the food was feeding because I did not know if they would feel ashamed for getting the aid of a food parcel.  It soon became very apparent to me that my fears were not valid and instead the recipients were more than willing to engage in conversation.  Most of them would constantly thank me for the food by saying "Enkosi" (means thank you in Xhosa) and tell me how much it would help them and their family.  I was hugged by numerous strangers and even called an angel at one point.  I couldn’t believe that what I viewed as a small amount of food (that I myself would have no idea to know how to make a meal out of) could be such a saving grace for so many families.

Some of the stories that people shared with me told of how their parents or main care providers had passed away and now they were caring for themselves and the children of the family.  Some stories told of how they know lived alone because all of their loved ones had passed away earlier in life.  Some of their stories were of their loved ones who were HIV positive and no longer able to care for themselves, so most of their money went to pay for ARV drugs.  Whichever story it was, most of the stories made me get a sick feeling in my stomach.  A feeling like something is not right and what more can I do to help.
   
In order to counteract this sinking feeling in my stomach, I revisited something that was said to us earlier that morning by Fundiswa, one of our main leaders during the week.  Fundi said, “The aim is not to feel guilt and hopeless, it is to show them that someone cares”.  In this moment of handing out food parcels, it was not my job to feel bad or selfish.  In this moment it was not about organizing another food parcel distribution.  The moment was about showing the families that someone cares.  So today I showed 250 families that I care.  It by far could go down as one of my proudest moments in life.

HUGE THANKS TO ALL WHO DONATED MONEY FOR THE FOOD PARCELS!  You made a difference to a lot of people.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Mama Noxie


Mama Noxie, as Chelsey, Megan and I referred to her as, was a very welcoming woman that made us instantly feel like her children from day one.  Noxie’s home was very accommodating.  The bathroom was inside and our room had a TV in it.  Noxie became comfort for me and was always a bright face to see.  We spent most of our time with her during our car rides to JL Zwane (where we would listen to Mama Noxie’s rap music) and after group dinners each night.  We asked Noxie to tell us her story and she gladly shared with us the story of her life.  She grew up in her current home with her parents.  Her father passed away in 1998 and her mother passed away in 2001.  Her seventeen-year-old son was murdered in 2003.  At first, Chelsey, Megan and I were too uncomfortable and scared to ask Noxie for more details about the story of her son. 
The last night we got the courage to ask Noxie to share with us what she felt comfortable sharing, regarding her son’s murder.  Noxie explained that her son was killed over a miscommunication of a cell phone robbery.  Someone who had the same name as her son, stole a cell phone and got away.  Soon some people came looking for the robber, but were directed to her son.  When they found her son, he innocently identified himself as they asked.  Her son was then taken by the men and beat to death. 
They found out immediately after that they had the wrong person and turned themselves into the police.  The police arrived at Noxies door and asked if she wanted to press charges.  She explained that she didn’t want to press charges due to the mistake and that God would take care of them.  She then explained how she had never felt so alone, but learned the meaning of real friends during that time of loneliness and confusion.  The scene of her son’s murder is right next to her place of work, which made it hard for her to pass by and attend work, but she explained that she needed to do something otherwise she would continue to think about it.
I sat there speechless and unable to react.  I cannot imagine a mother having to lose their child over a stupid material thing and a miscommunication.  Noxie’s story really helped highlight the violence and misunderstandings that happen in the townships on a daily basis.  Since the time of apartheid, violence has been a natural act committed against black Africans, coloured and white people.  That violence has translated into everyday life when dealing with conflict.
More than anything, I was saddened as Noxie continued to say that she would miss us staying with her, since Akhona is leaving soon also.  She doesn’t like to be staying at home all by herself.  It made me almost break into tears as I tried to imagine that being my mom.  I would hate for her to ever feel so alone inside.  The bright side of this feeling of Noxie’s is that she has an amazing community of friends that help her feel fulfilled and whole.  Noxie was a great Mama and I will never forget how she opened her home and her heart to us.

Akhona


This morning I had my first cry in Gugs as we were reflecting on our first night in our homestays.  Chelsey, Megan and I are staying with Noxie, her nephew, and Akhona.  I cried as I told the story of Akhona, a girl my age who bravely shared her story with us.  She is originally from the small rural town of George, which is around four hours north of Cape Town.  Akhona is involved in the program, “These Numbers Have Faces”, which covers her university fees in order to obtain her degree.  In return for free tuition the program asks for 1% of the graduates income to go back to the program and requires community service from the scholarship recipient.  Akhona explained that next week she would be participating in a mentor program, where she would mentor an under privileged South African child.  She said, “I’m excited to give them hope because I am so fortunate”.  Her words rang so loudly in my mind, “I AM SO FORTUNATE”. 

She had just told her story of her mother and grandmother passing away around two months ago and now having the responsibility of being the main source of income for her family.  Akhona would work almost everyday of the week at a restaurant saving and using up her money for tuition to attend the university.  When her mother passed away she could no longer work or afford school, until the program helped her.  She recently came to live with Noxie in order to be closer to the University during exams.  She hasn’t seen her family in George in a long time and stays in Gugs studying all day.  I admired her positivity, but my first instinct was to feel selfish.  I’m given my needs and wants on a daily basis.  I’ve never lost a parent and attending a university was something expected in my lifestyle.  I’m fortunate, but forget to remind myself of my blessings and opportunities on a daily basis like Akhona.
There is a lot to learn from those less fortunate, who proudly recognize their blessings.  It is humbling and life changing.  Today I stopped looking through my American lens and was thankful for all I had already been given in Gugs:  a warm bed, safe home, and most importantly: a new view on life.

Akhona and I became very close throughout my time in Gugs.  She was truly an inspiration and a great friend to have during my time there.

Rainbow After School Program


Monday, May 30th

The first day of tutoring the children was a really interesting and exhausting time.  The Rainbow After School Program is a program implemented by JL Zwane to help children excel in school.  It provides the children a meal after school and classroom space with a teacher to assist them on homework and teach them new material.  For some of the children it may be there only meal for the day, so getting to be part of the program helps on numerous levels.  The children were very shy at first, as was I.  I began to help a small group of children with a worksheet on telling time.  I realized how much I love the feeling when I explain something and you can see the light bulb in the child’s mind as they continue to work.  It made me realize that at one point in my life I would love to teach a class or coach children.
As the children began to become more comfortable with me, the words began to fly.  My favorite student was a young boy that entertained me most of the remainder of the class time with extremely detailed stories of superheroes.  He was so elaborate and enthusiastic that it became hilarious and made me wonder if he had ADHD at the same time.  He said something while describing his favorite superhero that I thought was telling of the circumstances that he was raised under, “I don’t like him because he fights, I like him the most because he saves people”.  I imagined this little boy sitting in his home, escaping the problems of Guguletu by superheros and smiled.

I continued to see these children throughout the week where they developed a passion for taking pictures of themselves on my digital camera and would greet me by screaming, “ALEX” and a huge hug.  These kids were amazing and I wish I had more time to spend time with them.

Come In Right

Monday, May 30th

Today it sank in.  I’m here.  I see it.  Now what do I do?  I feel helpless seeing all of this poverty and pain without being able to fix it all.  I’m guessing it relates to, ‘Coming In Right’.  As I reread the chapter, “You’ve Got to Come In Right” in Kevin Winge’s book, Never Give Up, I am reminded that my experience here is not about fixing things, or viewing things through an American lens.  Instead, it is about understanding, patience and compassion.  I wrote Kevin’s advice on the back of my notebook so I can remind myself constantly to come in right with all of the experiences in Guguletu.  The advice is as follows:

·      Listen more than you speak.
·      Ask more than you tell.
·      Behave like a guest in your boss’s home.
·      Resist the temptation to fix things; you might not have the tools to do so, & the thing might not be broken in the first place.
·      Cast off your American lens & look at the world through different eyes.
·      Don’t look for simple answers for complex problems.
·      Don’t implement complex solutions for simple problems.
·      Live with your experiences.
·      If moved to act, ask what is needed.  Don’t assume you know.
·      Be willing to make a leap of faith.

One of my first thoughts was, “people should not have to live like this”.  But, who am I to judge how those in the townships live?  They seem to exhibit more community than I’ve experienced in the states, as well as more hope.  Yes, living conditions could be improved, but my perspective of what is needed is most likely different than what the citizens of Gugs would classify as needs.  The main question I struggle with is, “Now What?” What will I do with this knowledge, this experience?  To be continued….

Gugs Journal

My stay in Guguletu has come to an end.  I still have mixed emotions.  I’ve created some amazing relationships, seen things hard to describe in words and feel like part of a community that I never thought I would.  In order to give you a better understanding of the emotional rollercoaster that happened this past week I am typing my journal entries from the week so it better describes how I felt in the moment.  So please read with an open mind and open heart in order to understand what I am about to share.  I'm posting most of my experiences in order of days and some separate blogs for people personal stories that made an impact on me.

JL Zwane Welcoming
Sunday, May 29th

Our stay in Guguletu began with a visit to JL Zwane Church for Sunday’s church service.  We arrived early and were greeted with large smiles and our first dose of Xhosa conversations.  The service was like nothing I have ever experienced.  I’ve never felt a strong bond to any church or Sunday service in my life, but this service was inspirational.  The reverend, SpiwoXapile, said something that I found to be very comforting, “Most churches are always telling you, and never listening”.  I found this to ring true to many church services that I have attended and found it encouraging that JL Zwane is taking the progressive step to listen to the congregation and what it needs.  The first step it has taken to make this effort to listen is to become an advocate for the HIV and AIDS pandemic and patients.  The front counsel that the reverend preached from read, “JL Zwane Cares”, with a red HIV/AIDS ribbon symbol below. 
Another inspirational moment of the service was the soulful music that seemed to fill a lot of time in the service.  The entire congregation sang along with passion and got into the middle of the aisles and danced with neighbors and friends.  Brian, Shane, and I were pulled into the aisle to dance with a woman who was sitting by us., while Megan was holding a baby from the woman next to her and dancing as well.  It was a moving moment for most in the group because the feeling of togetherness and joy was overwhelming throughout the entire service.  The service was a mixture of Xhosa and English to make everyone feel included as well.  I hope to attend another service before the end of our time here.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Wise Words of Madiba


Aaron this is my In-Country assignment 1 :)  Enjoy!

This week has gone by so fast that it is hard to comprehend and reflect on everything that I have experienced.  Even when breaking it into smaller pieces, actually putting how I feel and what I have taken away from this experience in words is difficult.  As we spoke during dinner tonight, Aaron reminded me that reflections from this experience will continue to come even months from now.  With this insight in mind, I will continue to be aware and reflective even after our in-country writing assignments and blogs are over and try to process and share now what I have learned thus far.

“I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds there are many more hills to climb”.  –Nelson Mandela

I saw this quote during our visit to Iziko Slave Musuem this past week.  I have always viewed Nelson Mandela as an inspirational leader, but actually being in the country where he made such a difference has resulted in viewing him and his accomplishments in a much closer and sentimental lens.  From becoming South Africa’s first black president in 1994, he made huge changes within the country during his term, but from this quote it shows that Mandela realized that more changes would still need to be made.   From my time here thus far, it is apparent that many hills have yet to be climbed and many changes yet to be made in South Africa.  This idea of climbing smaller hills ties into a main concept that I have witnessed this past week; which is the process of building community.  From all of the lectures this week, which focused on South Africa’s history, I observed that South Africa is still engaged in the process of building community within the country.  Whether it is rebuilding the community of District Six or regaining trust in the government, remnants and distrust associated with apartheid are still very apparent within South Africa. 

Alan shared his own experiences with apartheid during lecture this week, which were extremely moving.  For example, the first time Alan visited a restaurant was at the age of 26.  Even when he was a child he had to move schools and could not enjoy any of the recreational activities he grew up with in his familiar neighborhood areas due to the Separate Amenities Act of 1953.  His was unable to further his education due to his skin color and faced opposition on a daily basis.  From the apartheid’s extreme power to divide and destruct communities, it gave a lot room for these communities to start the process of rebuilding.  The entire community of South Africa was given a chance to begin the process of community building under the new leadership of Mandela and the creation of the new South African flag.  Alan expressed how the present South African flag represents unity, new beginnings and pride for the country of South Africa and its people.  I found this story of the South African flag inspiring, since I personally do not have a similar connection to the American flag.  It was moving to see Alan talk about the South African flag in such a passionate way and how to him and his people it virtually meant freedom from the past and a look into a new future.

I began to reflect on how I would describe the American flag to Alan and other South Africans, and drew a blank.  Yes, I understand what the flag stands for, but I do not believe I would be able to present it with as much passion and enthusiasm as Alan.  It made me wonder if this lack of passion was due to the fact that I was born into freedom and never witnessed the sacrifices being made when the flag was created, like Alan did in South Africa.  I realize that I take for granted the freedoms I am given each day, such as education, freedom of speech and more.  My generation has grown up accustomed to having freedom and though some in my generation still defend that freedom through their service. The threat of losing freedom or non-existent freedom has never been tangible like it was in South Africa.

So what comes next for this community rebuilding in South Africa?  There are many options and many more hills to climb.  If each following South African generation can learn to have the passion and unity about the flag like Alan, I believe it will help them harness feelings of pride for their country in years to come.  The upcoming generations of South Africa will be born into a situation more similar to my generation, with freedoms given to them as a birthright.  I myself plan on taking the step forward to see how I can create more of a connection to the American flag and become more thankful for the freedoms that I take advantage of each day.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

What Happens in Room 1, Stays in Room 1.


Creating community is something that the leadership minor focuses on from day one.  All of my group, myself included, have had the pleasure to create a community in our leadership classes, organizations we are a part of and people of importance in our lives.  Yesterday after our long day of visiting museums we returned to Riverview Lodge where we somehow reclaimed enough energy to get together as a group in hopes to strengthen our already existing community.  We sat within Room 1 for hours talking about everything from deepest fears to life obstacles.  The vulnerability that each member of the community shared was inspiring.  It made me feel closer to each individual and truly help me understand everyone on a deeper level.  We realized that we constantly ended conversations of serious content with humor and sarcasm, a group norm which has been apparent since day one.  We took a quick break from Room 1 for dinner, but returned immediately after.  We then decided to continue our bonding time with a little South African wine (always a crowd pleaser).    We spent the rest of the night talking about every taboo subject that my mother has warned me to stay away from such as politics and religion.  I learned a lot about different religions such as Quakerism and the Baptist religion.  After numerous inappropriate and hysterical quotes had been recorded and six bottles of wine were gone we decided to end our group bonding for the night.  The group of people that I am experiencing this adventure with are truly amazing, each in their own way and as each day goes on I learn more about what they are capable of and how they push me to challenge myself.  Next week we will be spending the week in Guguletu, a township within Cape Town, which is home to South African citizens of extreme poverty.  I believe that the process that my community and I have already begun will be of extreme use during our trip to Gugs (this is what the natives call it).  For the emotional things that we witness while at Gugs, it will be vital to have our supportive community stay strong and aware of every aspect of the experience.

The Lollipop Gang


Each day we drive around in two vans to our destinations for the day.  Our drivers, Godfrey and Herschel, accompany us to most of our adventures and always have interesting information to share with us.  Herschel coined the term ‘Lollipop Gang’ on the day that we arrived from the airport, when we all exited the car with lollipops that I had given everyone on our ride to Riverview Lodge.  The Lollipop Gang consists of Kelsey, Brian, Shane, Riise, Nekey, Chelsey, Megan and I (with a few daily visitors such as Jane and Aaron).  Ever since we were coined the Lollipop Gang by Herschel we drive with him each day where he greets us in the morning as the Lollipop Gang.  The conversations that occur within the Lollipop Gang are truly priceless.  You can constantly hear Shane talking about Beyonce.  Brian lauging at Shane’s level of gay comments and then talking about Gaga the next second.  Chelsey, ‘Cheech’ singing about what we are doing.  Nekey telling it like it is.  Riise making everyone hungry by talking about food recipes.  Kelsey making everyone laugh about everything.  Megan snapping every picture possible.  Herschel laughing while Shane and Kelsey make ridiculous comments to each other.  Aaron wondering why the hell he chose to ride in this van.  And me asking embarrassing questions when inquiring about what type of vegetation we are by.  The Lollipop Gang is a smaller sub community of our group and I look forward to driving with them each day! 

The Rainbow House


Tonight we had a quest speaker Alison Alexander, who runs Rainbow House: a home for youth that have been taken out of a dangerous living situation.  The Rainbow House is home to twelve children who have been victim to abuse in the townships and removed from parents by court order.  Rainbow house was founded in 2007 by Alison, who also grew up a township where she began working with at risk youth at the age of sixteen.  As Alison grew up it was not encouraged for young women to continue their education.  Alison described herself as ‘rebellious’ and went on the graduate from high school and college.  Later in life, she moved to another township, which had the highest rates of incest, rape, substance abuse and overall neglect.  She reminded us that she made a conscious decision to move to that specific township in order to create change.  She was known as a safe house when she moved into the township and took in children suffering from abuse.  Alison told of how she only sees the townships as a result of Apartheid, nothing more, and especially not a home.  The townships that I have seen thus far are clusters of shelters made of scraps of metal and cardboard in very close proximity.  Alison explains that a majority of the extreme poverty townships are made up of only one room, where children are exposed to absolutely everything at a very young age including sex.  When the children become as early as eight years old they begin to experiment with sex because it is what they have been exposed too.  This results in young teenage girls becoming pregnant and repeating the poverty cycle. 
The children that Alison houses at Rainbow house attend private school that Alison pays for from non-government funding.  Alison does not send them to government funded schools because she does not believe in what the South African government is doing.  Classes for public schools can be up to fifty children in one class and social workers main goal is to restore the children to their townships.  Alison hates the idea that children will be returned to the townships, where she believes a majority of the obstacles arise from.
Alison’s story was truly inspiring.  She found her passion so early in life and chose to follow her dreams.  Obstacles faced her along the way but her dream of recovering from apartheid and ending abuse pushed her forward to make a difference in numerous children’s lives.  

Fun Facts


Baboons are not friendly and signs on the side of the road constantly remind you not to feed them.

If you are chased by an ostrich in Africa, lay down on your chest.  Ostriches have a large claw that can puncture your chest cavity and instantly kill you.  You won’t outrun them because they can run 80km per hour.

On the back of wine bottles in South Africa are warnings about the negative side effects of alcohol.  My first bottle read, “Do not drink alcohol and walk down the road.  You may be killed.”  Very true.  But if you walk down the road sober you may be killed as well since j-walking is a major trend here.

7 rands = 1 U.S. dollar.  But dividing everything by 7 in the moment is much more difficult than you may think.

It is custom to walk on the left, not the right.

Take A Deep Breath


We visited Cape Point today, a nature reserve and natural world heritage site located at the tip of the Cape Peninsula where the Indian Ocean and Atlantic Ocean meet.  The landscape was something that you could only imagine, made up of fresh ocean views, native wildlife and a historic life house.  We braved the steep hike up to the lighthouse which gave an even more breathtaking perspective to the entire area.  It was a time where most of our group broke up into smaller groups and took their own path for what they wanted to explore while we were there.  Brian and I stayed together the whole time while hiking and continued to stop to take pictures of the numerous views seen from the hiking paths.  Besides serving as comic relief for each other while we panted up and down the paths, we really bonded in this unbelievable landscape and from the unreal moment.  We reached the backside of the paths where another smaller lighthouse was located and stopped to take a deep breath of the fresh ocean air.  We stood there in silence watching the waves hit the rocks below us.  It is once in a lifetime moments like that which create a bond between people that cannot be broken.  Our silence was comfortable and telling at the same time, we both were realizing how lucky we were to be experiencing such incredible and unique things in this once in a lifetime adventure.  I personally began to think about how large the world is and only the small percentage that I have been exposed too.  During the silence I also realized how important it is in everyday life to just stand in silence and take a deep breath.  Most conflicts and obstacles that I face in life are trivial, but somehow I get so bent out of shape about them that I forget to take a step back and think about what really matters in life.  What really mattered today was not the exquisite scenery but instead Brian and I bonding and strengthening our relationship.  What I learned today is that relationships are so important in life and trivial matters should never get in the way.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hey, I'm In Africa


WE MADE IT TO CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA :)
After traveling for over 24 hours with my new family we finally arrived in Cape Town.  When we arrived we were greeted by Aaron, Alan (director of Arcadia study abroad programs and expert on the South African culture), and Jane (Alan’s co worker and our ‘Mom’ for the time here).  I have never been to a country where you drive on the left side of the road so that was my first fascination, but then again even being outdoors after our traveling was exhilarating for all of our jet lagged minds.  We arrived at Riverview Lodge shortly after being picked up from the airport where I enjoyed our first experience of tea and rusk.  Rusk is like a thick, hard American scone; but in South Africa they have it often with tea and coffee.  After the rusk we were shown to our rooms which remind me of the resort I visit each summer, Linger Longer.  For those of you reading this that have been there you probably know that when I say that I mean that the rooms need some work.  I am rooming with Brittany, Suzie and Megan.   I woke up early this morning for my first shower experience, which was perfect if you like intervals of scalding hot water and ice cold water. ;)  
After the delightful shower, we got on the bus to go to University of Cape Town for our first class.  The campus is located around the base of Table Mountain and is full of beautiful buildings, exotic plants and students with a British accent.  We spent our time in class going over safety precautions and orientation material.  It is very apparent that everyone on campus could tell that we were American tourists, besides the fact that we had our cameras out to take pictures of everything, we looked utterly confused the whole day as we walked through campus.  The confusion arises from the one constant that has been present since I arrived in South Africa, ambiguity.  For example, even this morning for breakfast I thought I put cream in my cereal because the milk was warm and did not taste like anything I was used too.  Also, when walking around the streets today there were locked gates, instead of doors, in front of each store, the storeowner has to buzz you in for you to enter the store.  The differences between the customs here are already very visible and it has only been one day.
We spent the rest of the afternoon touring Cape Town.  Alan narrated for us as we drove down popular streets of downtown South Africa.  We stopped at what is the ‘capitol’ of South Africa and a market with authentic African food where Alan bought us some of his favorites.  We then drove down by the coast, where there are million dollar living spaces overlooking the harbor and the ocean.  The drastic difference between poverty and wealth here is a very hard concept to grasp.  In one direction there are shacks made out of metal and cardboard and in another direction are the million dollar homes with luxury cars outside.  I think this division will be even more evident during my home stay in Guguletu next week.  Dinner was a meal native to South Africa called ‘baboti’ which is a type of ground beef with eggs on top, yellow rice and chutney.  For dessert, an Afrikaan version of Kuch’s Sister, a funnel like pastry, was served.  We spent time after dinner being taught about the culture and origins of South African music by Aaron and Siviwe (natives in the radio industry).  I am currently beyond exhausted but still up having an amazing time watching “Gay Corner”, led by our favorite gays (Enjoyed by all), a talk show created to pass the time and record the bizarre and humorous experiences we’ve experienced thus far.  I’ll try to get an episode posted. :) Tomorrow we leave at 8:30am for class and a day of touring District Six, Iziko Slave Museum and the Castle of Good Hope.  I’ll fill you in on as soon as I can but for now goodnight, but for most of you reading this good afternoon ;)